i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
