are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
