theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
