Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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