so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
