I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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