Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
