my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
