I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
