I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We named our party play list daddy issues
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
