Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
