Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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