Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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