I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
