i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
