Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
