How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
