i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
handjob tips. give me some.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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