He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
