roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
