Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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