Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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