they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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