well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
