Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
