Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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