So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
