Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
