He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
