a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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