she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
