Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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