We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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