1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
