Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize