So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize
