She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Randomize
