We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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