this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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