I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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