Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm getting married
To pizza
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
