Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
