Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
