I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
