every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
