I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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