I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
