3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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