we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
