no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
